To my baby bird
To my baby bird, Today as we sat playing, just the two of us and while chittering about castles and tea parties you stopped what you were doing, give me a cuddle and said to me for the second time 'don't worry mummy'.
I know you sense something, you don't really know what it is yet but you sense my aprehension. In the next couple of days you're going to be a big sister. You are going to have to share more than your toys, you will have to share your mummy and daddy and their attention too and that's what worries me. 'Don't worry mummy' took me back so much... 'Where did you learn that from?' Was my first thought but you ease my worries.
You ease my worries because of how great, clever and loving you are and that made us want to do this all over again and not just stop after we had you.
You ease my worries as I have been a mum now for 22 months, you made me mum, maybe not a great mum many days but a mum nontheless. You made me feel the depth of love and the true meaning of it and if my heart is capable of feeling love like that I know it can get bigger again to love another.
You ease my worries as I have got to make so many mistakes with you (and for that I'm sorry) but I hope that your little sister or brother will be thankful.
You also ease my worries because with your little concerned voice telling me not to worry, with all the extra cuddles and kisses you have given me recently and the comforting pats on the back I know you are ready. You are ready to be the best big sister. You are loving, caring and always wanting to help. You are also inquisitive, smart and just like me a little bossy at times and I think you are going to be a natural leader. I know you will have so much fun in the years ahead with your little sibling and s/he will look up to you too.
I promise you that soon we will have some days again where it's just me and you. We have the best family support who have helped me beyond measure with you and I'm sure they will not mind taking your little sister or brother while we go to the park and for a pic Nic now and then.
You will always be my first, thank you for putting up with me whilst learning the most difficult and greatest of life's lessons, I know I have so much more to learn and you probably won't be allowed to go to that disco to your 19 and your sibling will get to go at 18... I know this from being child number 4, I definitely had it easier than the first. These things even themselves out, I probably won't take your little sister/ brother to every single all singing, swimming, massage and stimulation class that you got to go to and the next baby book will probably be only half full but s/he will be loved no less.
I hope that it all evens itself out. I have loved the past 22 months and thank you because of this I'm not worrying. The image of you meeting your little baby for the first magical time is what I'm holding on to and that alone makes my heart stretch with more love.
My sisters are the greatest gifts my parents ever give me and I hope that someday you can say the same.
I love you so much baby bird,