Baby number three
Don’t worry! There won’t be monthly update blogs etc during my pregnancy as up until now this is how it stands...
Baby number one - by 14 weeks I had a weekly diary, ‘bump pics’ x 30 of a pretty flat stomach I was trying to push out and had already all the plans in my head!
Baby number three - by 14 weeks I have no diary or anything documented, one picture that was taken as our announcement and I’ve spent my time denying I can pop so quickly by sizing up in regular jeans.... plans? None just yet!
The consistent factor is that this baby is wanted, planned and wished for as much as number one and two probably with a little bit more thought.... (how will I cope if I have another silent reflux/ bowel issues baby? How long can I take time out of the new business? Am I mad? Etc)
With endometriosis (you can read my post all about it here) I am also so well aware how lucky I am to have two children with only needing surgery to remove blockages and cysts before getting pregnant previously but the discussion with my consultant last year after surgery where induced early menopause was suggested meant I knew that I couldn’t leave it years if we were to try and add to our family.
I am from a family of four and Colin is from a family of three. We are both close to our families so we always said we would love three kids if we were lucky enough!
My last surgery was in July 2017, two years after Annie was born and I was offered the five year contraceptive injection to try and slow down things which I declined as I knew then that we would love to see if we could add one more.
Contradicting this though I felt with my second that I barely coped! We got through it and I was so, so close to Annie barely having her off my chest but she cried up to nine hours a day, she was given every medication for silent reflux under the sun, I went to kinesiology, faith healers, switching her to bottle which she point blank refused.... tried everything but the only thing that worked was pacing the floors day and night and limiting how much we braved leaving the house. Until, at 16 months after nightshifts in work and returning from my store manager sign off, I felt I was at breaking point and landed at A&E with my screaming baby refusing to go home until they witnessed the pain I knew she was in. Eight hours out of 13 constant screaming and walking up and down the corridor to let the other patients sleep she finally got taken seriously. Three weeks later we got told she had a twist in her bowel giving contraction like pains.
Sorry for that ramble, and goodness I know parents deal with children with life threatening illnesses which I admire more than words can describe, but I definitely struggled and probably only realise how much I was struggling looking back. At the time there was nothing else for it but to bounce and cuddle every minute I was home.
So baby number three has been very much 18 months to two years of careful consideration and hoping for and when I found out I was expecting in February I was still in mild shock probably because I thought by that stage I would have to have another surgery too due to the length of time from the last.
It’s not been plain sailing though. I suffered a bleed at nine weeks and a massive bleed at 10 weeks like I’ve never had before (that’s extreme from someone with endometriosis) but thankfully everything is ok and they think it came from a cyst.
I am very lucky in a sense that my ‘work’ is extremely different now from my previous maternity leaves to the extent they aren’t comparable. I wouldn’t have be able to have went back to work weeks after a baby like most women due to the nature of the job but this time I plan to take some time off and then do a day or two per week around Colin’s shifts for my contracted clients and just not take on any one to one business visits for a few months (completely depending on the feeding situation).
Setting up a business however wasn’t reason enough for me to delay trying to complete our family and also the pressure in my old job didn’t lend itself to being a healthy environment for trying to get pregnant when it’s already not plain sailing or also having three kids at home due to the hours away even as ‘part time’ (which ended up being full-time hours over fewer days as the demand or expectation didn’t lessen). I couldn’t risk letting these circumstances delay us trying for a baby as I didn’t know if it would happen or how long it would take.
When talking about baby number three, we were both in a very different mindset than one and two. I didn’t want a third baby to have ‘a baby’ (I hope this makes sense!) or for the gooey excitement of the newborn days (as much as I love them) but it was more for Bella and Annie, for the family unit and support for the days we aren’t around and don’t get me wrong I know it doesn’t just work like that, family dynamics can be so different but that’s what I really hope for them and what we will work so hard at establishing. A close family unit.
The girls couldn’t have been anymore over the moon! When I told Bella she smiled and started to cry while repeating ‘we are having a baby’, Annie hasn’t stopped smiling and asking so, so many questions but I sense she will also need lots of reassurance and involvement as she asked one night before bed ‘will you always be here for me’.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted, to make choices and changes to be there for them... all three of them.
I feel slightly fraudulent being blessed with three children (never naively assuming the safe delivery of number three) and know some friends and others that are struggling to start a family but I really pray things works out for them.
Ohh and in pregnancy diary style, I’ve been asked how I’ve been keeping. The answer is pretty sick with the worst cluster migraines that I lose my vision (thankfully they are calming however the sickness is still there if I don’t eat carbs about every seven minutes) but I really can’t complain at all!
Here’s a pretty picture that Colin kindly snapped and that will do for covering ‘trimester one’
I’ll always be here for you 💞